dasd

To me, I'm quite simple. but complicated. And I find out i'm not the only one that falls in and out of love. I have many hidden secrets that I let out to people I trust. some people I can't quite trust as much as I thought I could but hey, shitty, but I live with it. You know there's alot of shitty things that go on in my life, from family to school to boys to finding a job. I'm in quite the dilema right now as I write this. I'm not gunna say what because that would totally defeat the purpose of this whole thing, now wouldn't it? So suposedly poeple are saying that I'm quite mature and I've had the life of a 25 yr old in 16 years, which is also strange because there's still so much I need to learn and figure out. I don't want no ones telling how to figure it out. I like making mistakes and learning from them yeah things will be fucked then, but after its all over... your life isn't over. Oh here's another, what is love? I know its a phrase/question everyone says. But seriously, love to me is when you get the feeling of being nervous but with a bit of glow to it. It's like being embarassed but then admitting it. Hmm.. lets see... It's also kind of like falling, you know thart feeling when you go on the drop of doom? kinda like that, except better. My whole time that I've been going through boyfriends I've always said I love you to almsot everyone of em. And when I think back on it now, I feel so stupid, because I didn't love them, I couldn't love them, Ididnt even know what it was or what ever heart break was. I am a firm believer that you need to know what true heart break is to know what true love is.,. and my friends, I experience both. It's kind of weird I know. But its like, I can't make sence of myself right now. I should probably just not care right? There's 6 billion more people in the world and this one can get away, Cept I really don't want him to. But I will, its best for me and for my friends and everyones hearts I suppose. Thats the kind of person I am i guess. I think of everyone else before myself. I can't stand upsetting people, especially people I care about. (my sister dont count) I would never do anything to hurt the friends I have now, they mean the world to me. I mean things get kind of iffy everynow in then but this just proves that they are greats friend sbecause we've stuck together through thick and thin. I love them, I really do. Steph and Nic are my besties. We get drunk, high, and goof off together, we do it best together and I love it all. I've never had a better set of friends. But then theres a friend who I use to be quite fond of and I still kind of am I'm just a little lost. But he's quite caring and would dye for me if i asked him to lol. Honestly he would, its kinda of crazy, he can be scary but really, hes just a big teddy bear. He makes me feel better when I need it you know when you can't just keep it all together anymore and you gotta blow up on someone before you scream and holler at the worng person. And hes pretty good at back massages haha. Well I'm sure you;'re gettting bored by now if you even got to the end of this. I jsut felt like typing and shit. But yeah TTYL mannn. <3