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To me, this short ride felt like the begining of a new life for me. A new life with people who actually cared and would jump at the moment i was introuble. People who cared where i went and would be with me every step of the way. I swear I had found em. but it seems like just another dud. I'm gunna end up being all fucked up like i was before Imet them. i mean I don't want to but I know thats going to be my last resort. I miss the feeing of not caring. I mean I love caring about people, but I can't stand caring to the point that there's just to much pain to bare anymore and I can't seem to concor it at all. So am I really just fading away. No wait! Don't go I'm not done with you guys yet, I don't think I ever will be. I can see me 10 20 even 30 year down the road laughing it up and rememering the good times way back when we was youngsters. Please don't let go of me. I'm barely hanging on by the thread of a thread. The times i did have with them, was priceless and no one can fil the shoes of these people. The people who made me beleive that I have potential and that I'm better then what I think of myself. I mean I wouldn't have gotten through the first year of high school with out them! When I first got to know them.. I fucked up big, like really big. I made a mistake of not paying attention to everything around me. I should have saw it and stopped it right away.. but no... I encouraged it... I told them it was okay for them to do whatever. I almost killed my best friend. I almost killed two of my best friends... I killed apart of me. I still don't know what I think of it... due to recent issuses and the battle of fighting breakng up and making up. There's so much. Does this bullsphit ever end? Like really? I want my friends back and i want my life back two months ago. I want to be happy and not watch my words around the people I hang out with. I want to walk down the streets with my two cowboys and the girl who's basically my twin. I want to go ghost hunting and a photography spree. I need this back. I'm so close the taking that lovely yellow or blue pill. The pill that makes me feel like I can fly and not get hurt. Every touch sound and movement is so different and my senses are as sharp as a hawks. I want my good feelings back. I'm so full of greif and stress and anything else negative a teenage girl can deal with. Actually I think I deal with more then the average teen could. From family to friends to boyfriends and friends boyfriend and friends girrlfriends and the list goes on. There's rules and laws that I break just to understand em and then there's some i just break because I stopped caring anymore. Maybe I will try coke, maybe I was trip out of acid. Maybe that pill will magically appear in my hand. you dont know how badly i want that lovely pill. It melts in your hand but dont let it melt in your mouth, chemical burns are bad. Don't sniff it either, you'll get an infection. Butt its so so yummy I want it so bad. Make my worries go away. Make my life a blurr.