Right now

It's been a little over a year now from when we had a first kiss. To wear I met some great people and lost some too. It's coming close to a full year when I laughed so hard I cried. It's close to a whole year from when I had friends that I could feel safe with and want to be around. It was no effort to be around them. We could just sit there and be happy watching T.V. just because we were spending time together. I mean yeah It'd get boring sometimes, but then we'd just go for a drive, long drives that I didn't mind if they lasted a life time. Watching the world go by and wondering how long this was going to last. Friendships usually never last long for me. Like many other things in my life, it's like a curse. Yet, even though I know it eventually happens, I couldn't help but fall to deep. I couldn't help that I knew we were such different people with such different life styles that it wouldn't go on for much longer. Life with good friends who'd be there whenever I needed them is only good until there's a change in all the lives involved
Eventually there's secrets and distance tugging you away. If it's not that, it's being to open, or paranoia of being hurt and run down by the people you shared dark secrets with. Thats what hurts the most, I told someone dark, and deep secrets I've never told anyone in my life and that someone basically droppped me off at the corner of an unfamilar lonely street. Feeling afraid and abandoned I look for comfort in forbidden memories and lies. A friendship made of lies through and through. but hey, shit happens all the time.
Yeah, I cry about those times alot, but not for the bad things that had happened. But for not continuing the amazing adventures and laughed we all had. Taking pictures, drinking our selves silly, walking the dogs, to baked to find a lamp post. all of us trying to hold each other up from finding to many jacks and ace's. It's hard not to think about it when drinking orange juice.
Remember that time when he said tonights the night we do it. Tonight we dance. but we ended up getting stuck in some mud and by the time he was ready to go we were muddy and cold and tired. i wanted to do it so bad and I still do. I wanted to have that kind of unity between all of us. I wanted to feel everything from all of us. Like being linked by a silver cord bound so tight that we practically have a force feild around us no matter how far apart we are.
I'm not really sure at all what I'm saying. Got lost in memories I suppose. Oh and...to the one that couldn't come, I'm sorry. And I'm also sorry, because now my sister will probably be my made of honor.